A week to go

Well, I am about a week out from surgery. I was looking at Fox 2 news this morning and I saw that lady who has lost nearly 200 lbs. She needs the skin removal surgery but of course the insurance probably won't cover it. That is the only downside to me of the surgery, I am going to hate all of that skin hanging from my body. On Monday, I go to my pre-surgery appointment for testing, etc. I will update the blog about my current weight soon after.

Well, I guess I will start talking about my background to give you some idea of where I've been. I have thought about writing a book about my life's journey but I have yet to get started. Anyway, I will try to highlight important moments in my life for you. First, to tell you about my parents. This story should give you some idea as to how ignorant my father is. When I was born fathers were not allowed to be present, so after I came out the nurses took me over to see my father. He looked at the baby and informed the nurse that this little black ugly thing was not his child, they had make a mistake. Actually, he was right, at least about the mistake, they had taken the wrong baby out to see him. He was satisfied when they came back with the correct baby. I have often wondered who that other baby is.

My dad grew up working in cotton fields in Mississippi. He and his seven siblings went to school when they weren't working in the fields. My dad was very smart and he was the first to attend college, although he dropped out after a year or two to move up north. They were not allowed to participate in the civil rights movement because my grandmother feared reprocussions from the white cotton field owners. So they basically 'stayed in their place' during that time in history. My dad moved north to st. louis in the early 70's and soon after met my mother and also met the people who would change his life. For the first few years of their relationship my dad was respectable and responsible, working at a hospital and caring for the baby that my mom was pregnant with when she met him. Around the time that I was born, he me some 'friends' and i use the word loosely, that introduced him to the street, well really the gutter. He started working with them doing construction, off the books, and drinking and gambling during any free time. Although he was nothing like the man that she had met, my mother chose to stay with him because she thought that he would change back into that good man that she had met. Unfortunately, it never happened but my mother stayed with him until her death.

As for as my mom, she was born to a whore of a woman. My grandmother had 7 kids total and all by different men. This may be more common today, but back in the 40's, 50's, and 60's this was rare. She was a total waste of a life. She showed favor to the kids that had father's that she liked, and she didn't like my mother's father, so my mother was worked extra hard. I have done a bit of research into my maternal family tree, and my grandmother's mother died when she was 13, so I can only imagine the hell that she went through. Anyway, my grandmother was a son of a gun, from the stories that my mother told me about her, I am positive that we would not have gotten along if she were still alive. In fact, I would have cursed her out a long time ago about what she put my mother through. I'll tell you one story that I am sure will encapsulate it all. My grandmother raised her children on welfare and of course the food that the welfare bought would run out before the beginning of the next month. So for about the last week or so of every month they would be very hungry. Luckily she had a brother, uncle Benny, who was involved in the music industry, so he made pretty good money. He would help out financially during their needy times. What a great brother, right? Yeah, right. He molested my mother and her sisters for many years. At first my mom was too scared to tell her mother about the abuse, she thought that her mother didn't know and if she did she would put a stop to it. Well, well, well, one day while my mother was doing the dishes, her mother told her to hurry up so that she could go over to uncle benny's house and let him "stick you in the ass". My mother was shocked, her mother actually knew what he was doing and was ok with it. This event really affected my mother and changed how she thought about her own mother. Sad isn't it. My mother stayed with my father all of those years because she saw how her own mother went through men like underwear and she swore that she would be married to one man only. She thought that she had to put up with anything that her husband did just to stay married. Again, sadly my mother died feeling unloved by her husband of 30 years because he was such an ass for all of those years. Actually, those that do you wrong in life are severly affected by your death because they know that they did you wrong and now they can't fix it or make it up. My mom died a few months ago, and my dad struggles to survive everyday. He is sooooo lost that I actually feel sorry for him. Believe me this is serious because many years ago I wrote my dad off and became indifferent to him. I really didn't care if he dropped dead, I would not shed a tear. Again, I am starting to feel so bad for him because my mother was truly his whole life and now he is just so lost. When someone takes care of you in every way for over 30 years, I guess you can only be lost when they are gone.

Well, that is the history of my parents, most of it anyway. I am going to go now, but I will blog again within the next couple of days.

Stay blessed

Why A Hippo

Hello All,

Since this is my first blog posting, I will share with you why I call myself a hippo. A few months ago I was watching a Power Rangers movie with my toddler godsons. In the movie each of the rangers were turned into the animal that closest resembled their character and personality. My godsons and I started naming animals that would be good for them, like lion or tiger. Well that got me to thinking, what animal do I most remind myself of? I know that many fat people think they are or are called by others pigs, cows or elephants; but I put alot of thought into it for myself. I finally came up with a hippo. I have seen hippos on TV that are rearing up on two legs and that is exactly what my body reminds me of. Please don't think I am being funny, I am very serious. It is not a put-down about myself but in reality I remind myself of a hippo.

Anyway, I am a 30ish, single mother who is scheduled to have gastric bypass surgery in a few weeks. Currently I am 5'1" and I weigh between 375 and 380 pounds. My BMI is 66 which means that I am in the category of Morbidly Obese. No, I didn't just wake up one morning at this size, it took years of self-destruction, psychological problems, and yes food to get here. I am now preparing myself for my next stage in life - actually having a life!!!!

Over the next few weeks I will tell you the story of my past so that you will know how valuable and important my future is. Again, within the next 2 years I will need surgeries to remove the excess skin (and there will be alot of it) after I lose weight. Since these will be deemed as cosmetic by my insurance carrier, they will not cover it, so I am asking for any donation that you can provide. I have include a link to my paypal account. Thank you all in advance for your support.

Stay Blessed